And the tour goes on....

Dear Diary,
Today I washed my hair…. Now it gets blown in my face…. I hate wind… I also hate this heat…. I don’t do heat… well at least the sun heat…. It’s a well known fact that red heads are flame resistant… it’s one of the only good facets of this genetic defect which is red hair…. But that doesn’t mean you can go out and set hundreds of random fanta pants on fire…. I don’t want that on my conscious.

NEWS FLASH: “this just in, there has been wide spread reports… well at least two reports of innocent folk of the red head variety that have been set on fire for no apparent reason…. When questioned by police the assailants claimed to have been told that red heads have a natural resistance to fire on a blog and “just wanted to fucking try it out!” Doctors don’t hold much hope for the two men who are now red headed and red skinned abominations.”
“up next is a super special report on the percentage of blog writers who overestimate their audience numbers…. Reports have the figure as “quite high””

It is with heavy heart and somber body that I have to inform you that the Grates tour is now over… it will forever be known as the time “some dickheads invented the Trom-BongTM” and will forever be hated by my body for the lack of sleep that is caused me…. it wasn’t that I was partying… it was because I would stay awake for hours on end worrying about what outfit I should wear for the next show to try and stay on par with Patience….. just so you know I failed badly and for the few people who saw me in a gold body suit I’m sorry your life is ruined.

After running a few tests I have found that the ratio of fun had against the amount of time passed is the highest number I have ever heard of…… 27……………. Billion billion times eleventy six.
I can’t remember when I did the last blog and I seem to have forgotten how to use the internet to find out at this point in time…. In my mind this leaves me at liberty to make shit up….. doesn’t make sense to you??? Doesn’t surprise me…. you cant event count to 27…………….. Billion billion times eleventy six. So while waiting for our limo with its pool filled with caviar to take us to the airport I decided to check my stocks and bonds to see how they fared after the recent economic turmoil…… they did not fare well…. At all…. Turns out I am now worth roughly about 27……. Billion billion times eleventy six dollars….. I was so pissed I almost punched my highly paid dancing dwarf in the mouth...... after our first class flight on a conchord was over in about 27 minutes we arrived in sunny perth…. We then had to drive to Bunbury…. I have no idea where it is on a map because I was busy watching my dwarf dance in hot fondue…. After walking up the red carpet to the venue we had to wait around with the common folk drinking their…. What do they call those drinks…. I think they call them “fucking beers mate.” When we finally got to play we played our set of relaxing lounge-funk to a receptive crowd of respected individuals…. Then I partied like I was as poor as Bill Gates…. That poor poor man…. “oooh I own Microsoft… I’m rich n shit,” nobody cares William…. I own Mars bitch…. Not the company…. The planet.

Im bored of that now….. I can’t be held responsible for what I write….. I become a character and then they write thru me…. the show in Bunbury was quite raucous… it was a small venue and 450 people were crammed in there to party like it was…. Well a party…. After the gig we got shown to our rooms…. They were modest at best…. The rest of the night was filled with trombongs on the balcony and throwing a gridiron ball on the street down below….. the highlight was Ted nailing Brett (grates stage tech) sqware in the side of the face with a well thrown gridiron ball….. that effectively ended the night…. I had to go to the toilet at some stage during the night….. being the well prepared individual that I am I forgot to take a key or my phone with me…. if I had a decent memory that would have been fine…. But I don’t…. so I forgot which room I was in and didn’t want to knock on random doors….. so I slept on the couch in the lounge room place.

The next day we drove to Margaret river after climbing some big hill near the beach which was quite possibly the worst idea ever…. Although it did have one of those disc things that point the direction to random cities of the world….. and someone’s big nutsack…. The venue was freeeakin awesome….. they served the best food ever and were all super nice…. We had some time to kill…. Most normal people slept…. Ted went for a run cause he’s one of those disgusting healthy fit people…. Tim luke an pat went to a winery and the beach…. Apparently they are cultured…. Lies I tells ya! Lies! I’ve seen them do things that would make a bogan blush.* The show was the normal party that we had all come to expect from this tour…. It ended a lot earlier than usual… we ran out of rider and then just decided to go home and watch the Muppets in Manhattan…. Which is up there with Freefall starring Eric Roberts as one of the best films ever made.

Time was well spent on our causal drive towards perth…. We stopped at a boutique brewery for some delicious beer tasting…. A winery for some delicious wine tasting…. And a cheese shop for some delicious cheese tasting…. Then we made a great big convoy trucking through the W A! with the Vasco Era’s pimping van…. It may have looked good but our tarago owned it when drag racing at the lights…. Due to the fact that we were 5000 kms away from home and two hours behind I kinda assumed that they drove on the other side of the road…… boy was that a funny mistake…. I now have a statement to make….. “Perth nay all of WA that I’ve seen is kick ass!!!” its all pretty n stuff and green n watery and nice…. And the Capitol bar was absolutely shmucking packed…. The show was…. Well I’m not going to tell you…. You have to guess…. It starts with A and rhymes with foursome….. happy rhyming diary…. We were joined by the vasco era and the grates on stage for our last song to end our tour in happy happy fun times…. Then we joined the vasco era for our normal cover of sukkafish but for some reason were told to stay up for another song which we didn’t know how to play….. things kinda disintegrated… ending with me and ross on our knees hitting a cymbal that had fallen off its stand…. I was kinda focused on hurting the cymbal so I didn’t notice what was happening elsewhere on stage. During the grates set while most of us were up on the balcony we heard “and now the vasco era and the john steel singers are going to help us out!!” followed by cheers as only syd came out on stage as he was the only one near enough to get there on time….. lots of lols followed as we came out on stage for the last minute or so of the song…. But we made it up to him by actually joining him for 19-20-20 and ending the tour with a big drunken dance on stage. Was a whole lot of awesome fun n shit yo!

The next day me and ross had a romantic dinner of fish and chips as the sun set over the Indian ocean…. Then we touched the ocean… then ran away like little girls cause we didn’t want to get our shoes wet…. Somewhere along the way scott turned into an abusive pirate…. But he was nice to me…. I think he thought I was the reincarnation of Red beard cause I had forgotten my razor. Stupid pirate

Love pete

*I quite possibly could be thinking of something that I might have done and maybe just got kinda confused.